Strength and wisdom..

I still hear daily about my strength. I still think daily that I have you all fooled. I do not feel that I am doing anything any differently than anyone else would do.I am scared, terrified even. The center of our universe has been plucked from our daily lives,and the silence is deafening. I hear that I am strong, and sometimes I feel bent over by the weight of that statement. I only continue to rise up and continue on each day not by my own strength, but by the strength of the man in that bed. I get up each morning, and I think what he would want for our children today. I try to keep the expectations realistic, and I use this forum to organize my thoughts and clear my head. I discussed this with K of course, for who has known me longer than she? Not many. She said this is always my way. Just the way I think things out. Work them out in my head. She also has known Eric as long as I have. She said that is why he loves me. Why we work. I have not really thought much about why we work, just that we always have. It is funny what makes us work, what comforts us, what helps us cope. I do not see what I have has as any great strength, just a way to make sense of the day. If I get through this day and my children smiled instead of cried......then it was a good day. If my children laugh instead of mourn, then I have done right by them. I have done what he would want me to do. He will expect it, and I will give him no less.