Out of the mouths of babes...

I knew it was coming but just did not know when. Today was the day I told H. I met with the pediatrition and we spoke of the questions she would probably have, the way I should answer them and how much information to give. He was right on the money, and it went as well as could be expected. When I picked her up from summer program today, she mentioned something about her daddy. I decided not to put it off any longer. We pulled over to the local ice cream shop and sat on a bench in the warm summer sun, I sat absorbing her chatter and innocense for a few minutes before I started. " I have something important to tell you.." those familar green eyes stare up intently at me. "daddy has had an accident, and got an owie in his heart. After that he fell into a deep sleep" (thank you sleeping beauty). She asked the questions that were predicted, and I answered them as honestly as I could, and told her I did not know when I didn't. She also asked a few I had not anticipated. "did he eat a poison apple, or prick his finger on a spinning wheel?" um no. We talked about how lucky we are to have so many people in our family to help us care for each other, not just mommy, and daddy but nanas and papas, aunties and uncles, and that with so many people we will always have someone to care for us. She was good with that. I am sure we have many more questions ahead, and we will deal with them as they come naturally. Still he sleeps, still breathing on his own. And tonight I will sleep, knowing that as a family we are all on the same page. We need to find a princess. So she can kiss daddy awake.

Tuesday Morning...

It is hard to believe that a week has now passed since I got that early morning phone call. A whirlwind, and we know little more today than we did that first day. Little more than we know his will is strong. We know his body is strong. We know his love is strong. So strength is what we continue to hold onto. I am getting ready to head out to take H to swimming lessons. She is progressing so much I know he daddy will be proud of her. E always our little "snoodle" has also adapted well to the business of our life. I will take them to lunch after the lessons today, so we can have some quiet time to ourselves. Later today when the girls are with T, I will meet their pediatrition at the hospital today to talk about the girls and what to tell them. He is a good man, who knows our whole family and I am sure he will have some good advice for me. I also have some other resources that I will consult before making any decisions. He had a good night last night. He remains stable. Time. Time is all we have right now and time is everything. I am sure there some amusement for Eric in my having to find patience. He knows it is not my strong suit, or really any suit associated with me. But for him I will find it, embrace it. I can hear the girls in the living room with MB getting ready for the day, singing silly songs about rainbows and snowmen. That is a good thing.

Riding the Rollercoaster...and today it is up.

The ups and downs of this path we are on are undescribable. The patience required to stay sane in the midst of projections, prognosis, opinions, and diagnosis, is consuming. Then each day we start again, sometimes it feels like living in a snowglobe. All of the pieces finally settle, and someone goes and shakes it up again. Everyday is like that. Today we had some change, progress even. We still have no idea where this road is to take us, but for today our car has climbed to the top of a peak, and we are going to enjoy the view, lest we plummet for another valley on this coaster. Today he shows signs of withdrawing from pain stimuli, in addition to his already present reflexes. He also is opening his eyes more and seems to be looking at us. It was wonderful to see those green eyes today, seemingly upon my face as I read to him. I spent several hours this afternoon, alone by his side, holding hands and reading aloud. Before we could afford books on tape, whenever we went on a trip I would sit next to him on the seat and read aloud. It is comforting to go back to something familiar and enjoy the moment. He also is breathing on his own, 5 hours yesterday and over 10 hours today by the time I left to come home to the girls. This is good. This is progression. That is what I choose to focus on today. I had two conversations today, that helped me put me back in perspective. The first was with S who told me that my tone was different and he was concerned. He was right it had. I appreciated the visit today, and the kind words and help he has extended to me so consistently. It has kept me going. Really. I thought about his words to me today, and his quoting me my own words from this blog today. When I got home I got a call from another friend. A very trusted friend. Inquiring about me and my needs. I spoke of the rollercoaster, and he said a simple thing, but a very profound thing. He said " It is hard to pack for 5 different trips in one suitcase" I think that describes it exactly. That brought to mind my earlier conversation with S about the tone of my writing. They were both right. The truth is no one knows what is going to happen, and I have to choose each day what trip I am going to pack for. I am packing for Hawaii. If we get a thundershower I might have to run out for an umbrella, but I can do that. In the meantime, I am packing for Hawaii. The girls continue to be good. They are their father's daughters. I spent the morning at home with them, before heading to town. Their grandmother was here and stayed the afternoon with them, they needed her and she them. They help us all keep our eye focused. They are in the next room with MB reading silly bedtime stories and telling their own tales. Exactly where their father would want them to be. Leading us all. I am going to go now and claim my goodnight kisses.....

Quiet reflextion....

The thing I seem to be told most often right now is that my strength is admirable. It is ironic to me because I do not think I am showing any great strength. The writing of this blog is not a sign of strength but rather my own little crutch to help me get through the day. When I see how many of you are checking in on him, on us, it makes me feel a little closer to him. It makes me feel comforted to know how many people care for him, how many lives he has touched. I even put a counter at the bottom of the blog yesterday, to see how many people were out there, and even though I guessed it was many by the messages I have been getting. I was brought to tears when I saw that over 900 people had checked it in the last 24 hours. That is my little selfish way of bringing my husband's influence close to me. I have stayed home this morning to give our girls some quiet time. Still they marvel me, I know it is them that will get us all through this. They have just gone for a little walk with their grandmother, who also needs them as much as I do right now. I will soon ready to go and sit with my love. All morning the oddest song has been playing in my head....a refrain from Greensleeves..... Alas my Love you have done me wrong to cast me out so discourteously, For I have loved you oh so long delighting in your company...

Morning...a full week.

It has been the most tumultuous week of my life. Yet it has passed in the blink of an eye. Still he sleeps. We continue to talk to him, to remind him of us and his life, and still he sleeps. The girls went to a birthday party yesterday, and had a wonderful summer afternoon, being surrounded by people in "their village" who love them. They are doing amazingly well, after all they are their father's daughters. I will have to talk to them soon, I know this to be true. No matter what the outcome I have to be prepared for them and ready for their questions. I have decided to consult a professional for guidence, to make sure I do the best thing for them. I don't want them to ever think I am being dishonest with them, but nor do I want to frighten them, or confuse them with questions that I do not have the answers to. They are the shining lights of his life, and I want to honor that, and protect it as long as I can. As always we tell him it is in his hands and we will continue to have faith in him.

A little bit about Eric....

Anyone who knows him, knows he will drive you crazy. Knows that I had to send him to work just to give someone else an opportunity to try to supervise him. And anyone that knows him also knows that he is a great guy, a friend to everyone. I know those that work with him know that he loves his job and the thrill of the next game. And those that know him away from work, know how much he loves to play, how he puts as much into that as he does his work. I know that for many years after he went to work in law enforcement, I had the hardest time imagining him getting into a physical altercation with anyone. I know that many times I have told him I do not know HOW he does his job, when he tries to guess the names of celebrities in a movie we are watching, or standing there talking to someone for 20 minutes, only to introduce me to them and find out it was not the person he thought it was. In 20 years, we have been ticked off with each other plenty, but in all those years, in all that time, he has never yelled at me, ever. He has never called me a name in anger or jest, has never commented on my weight, never said anything to me to make me feel badly about myself. He compliements my appearance, my housekeeping, my cooking, and my mothering. He has taught our children to laugh, play and have fun. He laughs with his whole body, he smiles with his whole face. He has more energy than 10 people. He lives big, he loves big.

Sunday Evening and status quo...

He remains the same. He looks wonderful, like he could sit up at any moment, but of course he hasn't. I spent several hours alone with him this afternoon. I took down the rail on his bed and laid against his chest, and I sobbed. That wall of a man has been there for every low point and every celebration, and on that chest I have cried a million tears and laughed a million more times. I think today I even doubled that. The unknown is excrutiating. The only thing I do know, is that if it is possible he is the one who can do it. The warm shoulder under my cheek, so familiar that I have a million memories that my mind can take me to. I spent 6 hours today on that shoulder, just drawing from his warmth and absorbing his strength. When I hold my children tonight, I know that it will be both of us embracing them, reassuring them. I think that is the best that we can do right now.

Sunday Morning....and status quo....

It is Sunday morning and not much has changed. His body continues to be stable and we continue to pray that he will wake soon. The longer he is unconcious the more worrisome and uncertain the future. We have faith that his strength of will is doing everything it can to mend his body right now. His presence is so huge that it is hard to fill those gaps while he sleeps. The girls make it easier, and we have been having lots of quiet cuddle time. Emerson woke up this morning and announced to me "my Daddy is so silly!" I told her she was right, he is a very silly daddy. I will admit that the tension of the days is starting to weigh on me, and I am getting more rest than actual sleep. The girls are keeping largly to their schedule and that is keeping them constant. I am getting ready to go to see him again soon, and am looking forward to our quiet time. The warm feeling of his chest rising and falling under my cheek. There is comfort there. Comfort in knowing that I trust him, as I always have. Trust him to do what is best for our family. Trust and Faith.......those are powerful medicine.

A note to the department....a note about the department...

First I want to say to the department.....We know how much you care about Eric. We know that Eric spends as much or more time with his family at work as he does at home, and he would not have it any other way. Everyone knows that he loves his job, but really it is not just the job, or not really "the job" it is the way you come together in the most terrible of times and the best of times. He loves not only what he does but who he does it with every single day. I have so many friends who ask me all the time if I worry about him when he goes to work, and I can honestly say that I do not. I never have. I have always trusted that he would do whatever it took to come home. We have appreciated all of your support. The support to him and the support to us. I have read and continue to read all of your messages to the gmail account, some people I know, some I know only by name, and some of you I do not know at all. From all of them it is clear that you know and love Eric as we do. Not only myself and the girls, but the rest of the family as well, have appreciated your quiet presence. The palpable feeling of your support and your own grief. We have also appreciated hearing your Eric stories, and being able to share with you the stories that Eric tells of you. Thank you so much. I am sure in the days and weeks to follow we will need the help you have all offered.

Now a note about the department for those of you who have not had the privilage of seeing their support. It is an amazing group of people. Something Eric is very proud to be a part of. I want all of you who know us but who are not familiar with the department to understand how close they all are, so when you see them, you know they are all in this with us. I know it is easy to see a uniform and not think about the people who are behind it. When I got to the hospital that morning, people had already been enroute to my house to get me and the children so we would not be alone. When I got there, there were people on each floor, not only from his own department but from other local agencies as well. There has been someone there every day just to sit with us, to check if we need anything. They have gotten together and handled Eric's benefits and insurance so we do not have to deal with it. They have set up a special e-mail address so they can send us messages without being intrusive. They have offered us emotional, physical and financial support. In essence they have been dilligent but always respectful. Right now I could not be more protected and watched over.

The music of our lives..

Today, I spent the afternoon in one of my favorite places. It is a wonderful place, somewhere I have been going more than half of my life, and all of my adult life. It is the place I feel the strongest, the place I feel whole, the place I feel the the most protected from the world. That place is his left shoulder. Today I brought our video camera with tapes that he made of our children, of our daily activities, and I placed it on the pillow by his head. I put the rail down on the bed and rested my head on his shoulder, breathed in his familiar scent, and closed my eyes. We spent hours today, listening to the music of our lives. The familiar voice of my husband narrating all of the important moments of our days, while my children laughed in the background. I listened to his voice, loving them, encouraging them, laughing at them and celebrating them. Today I have spent time in the best place I can be. We continue to hope and pray that he wakes soon. All of his vitals remain the same, he is holding his own he just needs to wake up. His brother, sister and parents are all visiting now. I have come home to rest before my girls get home.

Saturday Morning

He has held his own through the night, and maintained all of his levels. I have spent the morning with the girls and am getting ready to head down the hill. MaryBeth is going to come with me, and Steve is bringing his girls up to play with Hayley and Emerson while we are gone. They are so excited to see Audrey and Grace, and have them play in their room. The girls remain happy by the visitors yet snuggly to me (not clingly, just cuddly) They certainly are what keeps me going. Their dad loves them so much. No matter how long of a day he has had, when he walks in the door he is "on" with them. His patience is never ending and he gets such from listening to them laugh in their bed at night, after we have put them down. Many times we will be in the living room, watching one of our Tivo'd Law and Order or CSI episodes (go figure) and he will grab the remote and pause the show , and tell me to listen to them. We listen to Hayley's murmerings as she "reads" to Emerson and Emerson's crazy little laugh as she spins around in the bed as her sister tries to tell her the story. I listened to them last night after they went to bed and thought how much he would want me to be making sure they still do that every night right now.

It is all in his hands now...

He is still doing well. His stats are even a little better from this morning. He continues to hold his oxygenation. They were able to go down a little more to 45% and his peep is now at a normal rate of 5. All of this remains excellent. They decided to take him off of the airplane similator (roto-bed) today, and put him back in a big boy bed. The transfer all went well and he seems comfortable. The other big decision that came today was to take away the sedatives and see how he responds. They warned me that it could take hours or days to see a reaction depending on how long it takes to clear his system. I have also been told that if there is any swelling it could take even longer. At this point since his CAT and EEG look pretty good, only an MRI could shed more light on what is going on in there. Of course they cannot move him to do that right now, so instead we wait. I have also been told that the course of treatment is the same so patience in the key. Of course Eric would laugh, because patience is not one of the virtues I was born with. He has always been that half of our partnership. Today I think I am tired. We have to wait and see how he contiues to respond. Of course I want him to sit up in bed and tell me he is ready to go home. We continue to have an amazing support system, but the wait is killing me. His color is amazing, he looks very rested. I came home early tonight to put our girls to bed a decent time. They remain unknowing at this time, and I pray every minute of every day that I will be able to have good news for them soon. They sense tension as the days progress, and have been very cuddly in the evening. Hayley has her father's eyes, the most amazing green I have ever seen and it is both comforting and painful to have them to look at. Emerson, named by her father, has his smile so distinct it will light up a room. Our baby will be 3 years old on the 5th of July. We have one of the most unique birth situations. Eric got to witness and experience both of their births, and I have no memory of either of them. I had to have c-sections where I was put completely out, and Eric was there in the room when they were born, getting to see it all. He loves that he has that special thing to share with them, that even I do not. Hayley especially loves to hear the story about how she "popped out of mommy's tummy and daddy caught her" Patience I keep telling myself. He is determined, he does everything in his own time. I always tell him that he is a dawdler, and I hope this time I am wrong.

Questions for me...

People have alot of questions about Eric, but I have also been getting a lot of questions about me.. I will answer the top few briefly...Am I eating? Yes, I eat when I need to, and I promise I am feeding the kids. Am I sleeping?.......I am sleeping. Not long deep slumber. But I am sleeping several hours at a time and calling the hospital through the night. Do we need anything?........right now? thoughts and prayers only. As the days and weeks go on, I am sure there will be things that we will need, but right now we have everything that we need. Is it bothering me to have people at the hospital?......No it does not bother me as long as you understand that you probably cannot see Eric right now, I want to maintain his privacy while he is in his rotary bed, and since it is in constant motion, you cannot really hold his hand without dancing in circle around the bed. Do I need a place to stay in town?........no, thank you but not right now. We do not really live that far from town and I find the drive theraputic to relax before I come home to my children. Does Eric's extended family need a place to stay in town?.....right now his sisters and mother have been staying with me and we all trade off watches at the hospital with Eric, staying with the kids, and keeping the kids' schedule. Eric's dad and brother, and Kelly and Tom round out the days and Eric is never alone at the hospital even through the night. Can you see Eric?....I am asking that you not see him right now, so that he rests and continues to improve. When he is off of the rotary bed you will be able to see him again. Do the kids know? Not right now. They are just turning 3 and 5. The three year old would probably be less afraid, just thinking daddy is sleeping but the 5 year old lost two great grandparents over the last year, and is very inquisitive of dying and illness, and I do not want her to think in those terms about her dad at this time. When he wakes up, it will be reassuring and we will approach it at that time. Am I bothered by the phone calls/e-mails etc.? No I am not. It is a wonderful thing to have so many out there supporting you and being reminded daily of that only gives us strength, however we cannot return all those messages or calls, so please understand that.

I will continue to post updates daily..... L

Friday morning update and blog announcement

This was the last update that I sent out this morning. You will see that in this blog format you will be able to review all of the previous posts if you did not receive them.

Eric had a good night. He continues to hold his oxygen at 50% and they were able to reduce his peep from 10 to 7.5 and he continues to be oxygenating well. (Peep from my understanding is the noninvasive air that trails out of the ventilator between breaths keeping the lungs inflated. 5 is normal, he was at 10 and is now down to 7.5) They gave him a little sponge bath around 4 am and he showed some signs of movement so they gave him an additional dose of sedative to keep him calm. He continues to be be heavily sedated, without being on the paralytics. His heart continues to remain stabilized without having vtech or pvcs. He is still in his rotating bed. They would like to do an MRI but also do not want to rush it and risk any set backs as he is progressing.

The main thing that I have to tell you this morning is about how you are going to recieve these updates. I appreciate that so many of you want to know how he is doing, and as each day goes on, the list grows. It is taking up more time than I have to keep adding addresses so I have chosen a new format. This morning I set up a blog that I will be posting to daily and you can in tern leave comments for myself and others to see. I hope that it will also become a record for him, of what has happened and the support he has had. The address is www.deputyericchristopher.blogspot.com. Thank you all for your continued support and I will continue to post daily updates on the blog.

Synopsis of Thursday night post

First I would like to thank everyone for their continued support. I think that we all know how much Eric is loved and thought of, but the volume of support has been an amazing and a palpable presence in our lives. I know his extended family have been awed by showing of support from his department, the other local agencies, the friends, and the community. Everyone who knows Eric will know how incredibly humbling he would find it.

This morning I sent a brief update informing you of his good night, and the progress of his oxygenation. Later in the morning, he had a bronchial procedure done to remove the remaining debreis he had aspirated into his lungs (the believed cause of the lung infection) . This also gave the pulminologist a better picture of how his lungs were looking. His infection seems to be improving. They decided to remove his ventilator and replace it with a new one that more resembled a normal breathing pattern. At this time they increased the oxygen that they were giving him back up to 70% while they made sure that he could tolerate the new ventilator. As the day progressed they decreased the oxygen gradually back down to 50% and he has held it all day, meaning that he is processing the oxygen that he is taking in, and maintaining the appropriate level in his blood. They also took him off of the paralytic drugs today, choosing instead to increase the sedation to keep him in an unconcious state. As long as his body does not fight the ventilator they hope to continue on this path. I was able to put some some chapstick on him today and he pursed his mouth (he might no like the pineapple flavor I chose). We talk to him mostly about using this time to rest and relax two things that most of you know are not in his immediate vocabulary. He also continues in his rotating bed, which we tell him is an aircraft flying similator. His temperature was also down today also which we are encouraged to believe means the antibiotics are kicking in and helping with the lung infection. They also stopped giving him the lidocane today and the blood thinners. He responded well to the absense of both of these drugs and has not had any more heart distress in the absense of them. There still of course is the underlying heart condition that will have to be treated as the lungs continue to progress. This basically means that his heart is not in current distress. I checked in with the nurse a few minutes ago and he remains stable in the same condition that I left him. We are very pleased with his day. It will still be a long road for him, but every day is seeing more improvement.

The girls are still unaware, and relatively anxiety free at this time. They are happy to be able to be spending time with extended family, and continuing on with their normal routine. They have been spending much of the time away from me with the Angel family who they are very close to. I have been taking a block of time from each day to stay at home and keep our normal routine so they continue to see me in a calm enviornment doing everyday things.

Today also brought us an unexpected blessing. We got to meet Jerry Epperson, who came to the hospital to see how Eric was doing. Jerry has known Eric for some time at the gym, and they have shared many conversations. Jerry was the one who first found Eric when he was in distress in the locker room, and was the one who yelled for help, prepared and initiated CPR, until he got further help. He was very concerned about Eric. I told him how much we appreciated all that he did for Eric. I know that had it happened here at home, I would not have had the strength to be able to do what he did for the length of time required.

Today was a day for a little anxiety relief. A welcome change from the last few days. Thank everyone again for all of their support. I am encouraged daily by all of the messages, letters, calls, and e-mails. I know that everyone understands that I cannot answer them all personally every day, but I do appreciate them.

Thank you,
Lesley

synopsis of 3rd update

Just a quick update for the morning. He did well during the night. The nurse told me this morning they were calling him "slightly improved". In a nutshell he stayed mostly the same but for one signifigant factor. They were able to turn his oxygen down to 50% (previously it has been at 100%) what this means is that his oxygenation level is improving and his lungs are able to absorb more oxygen. Good news to start the day.

synopsis of second update

Hello, here is the update for the evening. They moved Eric to a roto bed today. It is a rotating bed that keeps moving from side to side in a rotation and keeps his head elevated. They are hoping this will help clear the lungs out more quickly. He had the EEG late this afternoon. The doctor said that there are two small spots of irritation, but that the rest of it looks good. There are no signs that the irritation is causing seizures but they are giving him antisiezure medication to make sure that he doesn't get them. The activity looks good. The doctor said there is nothing there that would prevent him from waking up. It is still possible there could be some deficit from the irritation, but it is not signifigant. That is good news. The lungs remain the number one concern at the moment, thus the roto bed. They again tried to stop paralytics today and keep him sedated only with the sedatives but when I was there this evening, his lips moved and his eyes were starting to blink. The nurse informed me that he was "waking up" and his oxygen saturation started to go down again as this was happening because he was trying to breath against the ventilator. They do not want him to do this right now becuase of the fluid in the lungs. He also coughed and lurched forward when they were trying to suction some of it from his lungs. So again for the time being they gave him more paralytics to keep him sedated and not fight the ventilator. His temperature has come down a little, we are hoping this means the antibiotics are working on the lung infection and that it will even out. His heart has remained stable. There is still issue to be addressed there, but not until the lung infection has cleared. He is very strong, his lungs are in excellent shape, he runs, swims, dives, does not smoke, and he is young. It might take a little time but there is no reason his body cannot fight this. We are feeling this is positive and his responses are coming around. Today I stayed at home the afternoon with the girls. They still know nothing of what is going on and think that Daddy is on a work trip. I am trying to keep them feeling as normal as possible and interacting with their normal activities. I appreciate everyone's offers of help and support. I am sure that we will need more as the days and weeks progress. Right now we are holding strong and keeping things mellow at home. I do not want to over stimulate the children with alot of different people through the week and new activities, even fun ones, as I think they will start to become suspicious. They also are not asking the questions right now, and as time progresses I will look forward to all of the offers of assistance to help distract them. Eric adores his daughters and is an amazing father. I really feel that he would want that right now, especially as we do not have a time line for his recovery. He would not want them to have prolonged anxiety about his health. Also please do not send flowers or anything to him, he cannot have them in his room. We appreciate the wishes, prayers and thoughts, they are what keeps us all going.
Thank you,
L

synopsis of my first update of 6/23/09

Some of you know what is going on, some know some details, some know nothing so I am going to give a quick synopsis to see if I can update everyone with what we know.

Monday morning at approx 4 am Eric went to the gym to workout before going to work. sometime around 6:30 am a man went into the locker room and saw Eric standing against the wall gasping for breath. (We now know this man was Jerry Epperson, who has know Eric for quite a while at the gym from their early morning workouts, THANK YOU JERRY! Your quick thinking has made all of the difference for us here!)He went to yell at the front desk to call 911 and as he did so Eric fell to the ground. He was still breathing at the time but it was labored. Soon after he stopped breathing and CPR was started on him by two memebers of the gym. One was a doctor. By all accounts this happened quickly. They continued CPR until the paramedics arrived within minutes. They defibbed him 4 times there to revive him and then took him to the hospital. When he got to the hospital they did a cadiac cath. and determined that his arteries and valves are clear. The problem with his heart seems to be "electrical" because of the time he spent down during CPR they decided to do cooling therapy on him. They lowered his body temperature to 31.5 celsius over a 24 hour period during this time they gave him sedatives and paralytics so that he would not shiver or wake up while he was packed in ice. Starting at 9:30 am this morning, they started bringing his body temperature back up to 36.5 celsius over a 12 hour period. At 8 am they gave him the last dose of paralytics, and continued to warm him. His temperature has come up successfully, however it continued to go up a little past 36.5 so they are currently cooling his a little. They suspect he is running a low grade fever because either of the cooling therapy or because he has some fluid in his lungs. They have started to give him antibiotics in hopes that they will clear up the fluid. They took him for a CAT scan and the doctor told us that it looks normal. There do not apear to be any oxygen deprived areas. This was good news. However as of this evening he has not woken up. They have suggested that best case scenario is that he wakes within the next 72 hours. The sooner the better. He is largely unresponsive. He is attempting to breath on his own but still in on the ventillator. He is now shivering and having some other involuntary movement, but nothing intentional. We are very hopeful and I hope this can answer some of your questions. I will update as I can, we are spending most of our time at the hospital in the iCU where phones are not allowed.Eric is an amazing person and those that know him, love him, and they are many. Thank you all for your support and prayers, right now we are all depending on them.
Lesley

First Post

This blog is going to be for the friends and family of Eric Christopher, Butte County Sheriff's Detective. My husband is currently in the ICU unconcious after a serious cardiac episode on Monday 6/22/09. My inention is to use this blog to update friends and family of his progress, and of our family's continuing support of him while he makes this recovery. The reality of the blog is that it will probably be my thearpist, my outlet, my vent, my sanity, and a bit of a love letter to my husband, while I put this all down to make sense of it in my own head as we make this journey together. There are things that will probably be personal, and while I understand this is a very public way to do this, I hope that it will also serve as a record for him when he wakes up, and that as we make this journey, it will help keep it in perspective for all of us. I have been sending out nightly updates via e-mail but decided this might work better for me. I will be going back and copying my original updates and posting them here for those that missed the beginning of this ordeal. However the first thing I want to do is talk a little about Eric.

Eric and I first met in the laundry room of the dorms here in Chico, 20 years ago this coming September. We dated 8 years before we got married, and were married another 7 before we had kids. We have two wonderful daughters ages 5 and almost 3. They are absolutely the lights of his life. Eric is an amazing father, husband, friend and son. He is absolutely the glue that holds us all together. He loves a challenge, he loves his job and all of the men and women that he works with. I asked him once on a scale of 1-10 how much he liked his job. He thought about it for awhile and smuggly said "9". I asked him what it was that would make it a 10 for him. He smiled and said "If they paid me more, and let me fly heliocoptors", so aside from a boy's fantasy, he loves his job about as much as anyone could. I remember early on in his career, he would tell me how people would sometimes make comments to him about his dedication and wonder what political aspirations he might have in his job. He would laugh, as I am sure the people that know him would laugh to think about that. He doesn't work the way he does to get noticed, to move up in rank, or even to make himself look good. He does it for one reason alone, he thinks it is a game. He says when it stops being fun he won't do it anymore, but it is still the most fun he can have and get paid. I have always admired this about him. There are many times people ask me about how I deal with his energy and dedication level, (and there are many times it drives me crazy, as I am sure it does anyone at work who tries to supervise him), but in a nutshell, it is what makes Eric, Eric. He has always been that way. I know the support his work family has shown to us, will mean the world to Eric when he wakes up. He is so many things to so many people. a father, a husband, a brother, a son, a detective, a fisherman, a diver, a swimmer, a runner, a friend, an athlete, a coworker, officer of the year, victims advocate of the year, a hunter, dedicated, determined, honest, strong, funny, kind, adored, capable, smart, generous, helpful, amazing, talkative, peristant, but above all else he is a good man. Recently when we were walking, I stopped him and told him that he is the best man that I know. It is true, he is.