Clarity...

Many people wonder how you can have clarity in moments like these. I can only think of one way. A life well lived. I do not have the baggage associated with guilt and regrets. The last day I spent with my husband was father's day. We let him sleep in and the girls made him eggs fro breakfast. They went and got him up and brought him to the table, handmade cards and crown by his plate. After breakfast we spent time in the yard, playing with the girls, making plans and dreaming dreams. We had a picnic in the yard, and then "put daddy down for a nap" while the girls and I made plans for dinner. The last meal we prepared for him was his favorite meal. BBQ ribs, pesto spagettini, corn on the cob and homemade brownies for dessert. We had a wonderful family day. He knew that he was loved and appreciated. When I go through these days, I am comfoted by the knowledge that we did not have harsh words, the last thing I told him was "I love you", He was celebrated, loved on by his children, no matter what else has gone through my head, I know that we did not leave that unsaid. He knows he is loved. He knows we adore him. That gives me clarity in these moments. I do not have to waste time wishing our last words were better ones, or that I had hugged him one more time. I did. We did. We are good. We can concentrate on the healing and not the regrets. We can focus on our future instead of rehashing our past. We are in the best possible position for the future, whatever it brings. A life well lived. I have that.