The girls...it takes a village...

The girls. They are on everyone's mind. How are they doing? How are they coping? Do they miss him? Do they understand? Of course everyone wonders, I wonder. This has all been a slippery slope, but they have been the one clear thing in this whole ordeal. In this world of we don't knows, and give it time, and wait and see, there is only one thing that has been crystal clear to me since the beginning. He loves his girls. H would often stop and ask him "Daddy do you love your girls?" and always he would stop and smile and say "Oh yes, I love my girls!". As I have watched our life tilt and swirl about me with uncertainty, they have been the one sure thing that I can focus on. I know without a doubt that he wants them to feel safe, stable, loved and grounded. I know that is his number one concern. I know that would be more important to him than even his own health. I know that I am entrusted to make that happen so he can get healthy. And that one sure thing, amidst a life of uncertainty, has been my saving grace. It goes beyond my own instincts as a mother. It is bigger than just myself. It is a knowledge and a feeling that actually fills me. It is the power of knowing that he is trusting me with his most precious thing. His love for those girls. It has been a difficult road to take. In the beginning some questioned my decision to put off telling them, or the way I told them, or even my choice to let them dictate whether or not they see him at all. I can only say, it is the only thing I have not wavered on. The only thing I have known for certain in my soul. But really I cannot take credit for it. It takes a village to pull a feat like that off. First I can only say that his love for them is such a palpable thing, that it was easy to be directed by it. Everytime a new decision has come up about them, I have known without hesitation the right thing to do, that has to come from him. Next I can say that everyone close to us has absolutely fallen into place at exactly the right times and embraced them. From T&D on the very first day, and their continued support. Their grandparents, aunts and uncles. K as always. A taking them swim lessons when I could not, C opening her home and pool, Kids Park giving them a place to go to play and everyone else who has been there and offered . It has given them a foundation that they feel firmly secure upon. We have not had clingy meltdowns, we have not had nightmares, or insecurities, not a single one. We speak openly about him. K complemented me on that today, and I can only say thank you to everyone who has made that possible for us. When he accepted his Officer of the Year award this year (his 3rd one) he quoted a favorite story. "When you see a turtle on a fencepost, you don't have to know how it got there to know that it had help" The happiness and stability of the girls is a direct result of that. When I told H those weeks ago, that our family was not simply four but instead very large, it has come to fruition. They see it, they feel it. I thank everyone who has helped pull that off. I know he rests easier because of it. That much I know is true.