More questions for me...

There are always so many questions, many about him, many about the girls and many about me. I think it is time again to address a few I am being asked frequently. How are you really holding up? I think about as well as could be expected. I think if it was our destiny for something like this to happen, the last 20 years of living with him, his job, his personality, his adventures, his dogged determination, and his full paced life, has prepared me as much as it is possible to prepare for such things. How are the girls? They really are doing well. There are some small questions but nothing profound as of yet. I am waiting for them to come to them on their own time. I feel better being able to tell them that I am going to see Daddy at the hospital, rather than being evasive or distracting them. How is his family holding up? Are they there with you? Yes they are here, we all take turns at the hospital with T and K, and he has really never been alone since this started. I chose not to talk of them here, as I do not wish to violate their privacy. We all handle things differently and I fully understand that not everyone would wish for their pain to posted on a public forum. They are here. They are all doing their best, we all are. We all have different strengths and we need them all right now. I might mention them from time to time in a general way, but I will not post about their daily interactions to keep their privacy. Can we do anything for you right now, ANYTHING? Really no. Honestly no. What is there to do? Nothing really. Just waiting. Praying, hoping, sending all your positive thoughts and energy, that is what we need right now. Are you sure we can't make you a meal? Thank you no. I am still feeding the girls, I promise. But they are toddlers, feeding them is easy and non labor intensive, plain noodles, fresh veggies and fruit, not big preparations here. Gotta love Trader Joes! They even have presliced apples! I think they are quite relieved to have their familiar favorites instead of some new recipe I am trying out. So no we really do not need food right now. Family rotates through here but we really are not here having meals. Do you need childcare? No, thank you to all that have offered. I have some wonderful people, K and T that the children are close to, as well as the family, so they always have someone and something familiar around them. Kids Park is also a wonderful place, with very caring people, that my children are very familiar with and they have been helping us out. So really, it is good. I hope that sets your minds at ease. I know is frustrating, the waiting, the wanting to do something and feeling futile. K and I spoke of it this morning. We have known each other for most of our lives now, and she says my strength is getting through. Bucking up and plowing ahead. Hers is the same. In the middle of chaos, she can see the calm. She knows which direction to head. I look to her for that. She knows that patience has never been a concept I am comfortable with. If there is a lesson in this all, something that he is teaching me right now, it is patience. However this road turns out, whatever path we follow on our journey to get there, patience is the key. I am learning put patience over desperation right now, while we wait for him to wake. Patience eases the churning in my stomach, helps me to accept that I cannot control it. I don't like it, but I am accepting of it. I will need that patience for our girls over the next days and months. I am grateful to him for bringing me to it. Today we will read more of our book. We blew through almost 200 pages yesterday. It does go much faster, when he does not interrupt me to tell me why the police would never do this, or why the gun they describe is not the model they suggest, or how such CSI testing is not even possible. I am sure he is saving them up though, waiting for the right opportunity.......patience.