It sounds like life to me....

He had a pretty good week this week. A very full week. He sat up and held his head up for almost 30 minutes one day, and had his birthday on another. He got up in the standing frame, taking deep breaths and holding up his head. He spent alot of time looking around, and had many visitors this week. He is up to eating a whole yogurt in a sitting, and still seems to be making sounds in response to conversation. All in all, all things considered a pretty good week. MA and MB continue to alternate weekends here, so they can spend time with him and with the girls. MA was here this weekend, and continues to put him through his paces with stretching. Even though it was a good week, it is still hard to sit here in my chair and not be worried. Not be terrified. I want to hope and be hopeful, but still have to keep balance, for the girls and for myself. I have to keep things clear in my mind. I cannot allow myself to be lulled. I have spent some time recently talking to D about this. She calls herself my Devil's Advocate, and we have lively conversations that make me think. Help me to focus. I was feeling the burden of uncertainty earlier in the week. She was trying to help me to think of good things that were happening, but I was really focused on not being able to see what was out there for him, for us. I was telling her that it was the unknown that was killing me. If I knew it was going to take a long time but that we would get there, it would be much easier to settle in for the ride. If I knew that he would be there for H's graduation or to walk E down the aisle, I could so much easier accept the journey. It is the not knowing that wakes me up in the night. She looked at me and told me that the future is uncertain for all of us. That she no more knows if R is going to be there at M's graduation than I do. The difference is that I am asking myself those questions daily. Just because I am asking those questions, doesn't mean that I have any more control over it than they do. It really did make me think. I have spent so much energy on the anxiety of the unknown, but the truth is that not one of us knows what the future holds for us. We just have to get up, and keep showing up. I still have people commenting on my strength. And others still trying to give me permission to "fall apart". In any group of friends, who have been together as long we have, you have phrases, or mantras that mean something to you. One of ours is "there is no excuse for poor behavior". I still believe that. I believe that in the darkest and most challenging of times, that you show your character. I think that when you are raising children, how you deal with these times, forms their character. I believe that is black and white, not gray. It was interesting, after having this discussion with D, and others with K & A over the last week or so, I happen to get into the truck and a song came on the radio that pretty much summed that up for me.

The chorus from "It sounds like life to me" by Darryl Worley.

Sounds like life to me it ain’t no fantasy
It’s just a common case of everyday reality
Man I know it’s tough but you gotta suck it up
To hear you talk you’re caught up in some tragedy
It sounds like life to me

Sounds like life to me plain old destiny
Yeah the only thing for certain is uncertainty
You gotta hold on tight just enjoy the ride
Get used to all this unpredictability
Sounds like life.......