It was only a matter of time...

I knew that I was on borrowed time. The girls have been amazing. They have been resilient, happy and have kept us all moving forward. I knew it was only a matter of time before more questions would come. He is too much a part of their lives, for them not to feel his absence as greatly as we do. He is the center of their world, of our world. It was only a matter of time before the activities, and visitors could not longer distract them from the elephant in the room. It began an innocent trip for an ice cream cone. When they pulled into the parking lot of the ice cream shop, H stated "my daddy used to bring us here before he got dead." S (who was taking them for ice cream) quickly reassured her that he was not dead, and called to let me know what had happened. When they got back home H was so happy and carefree that I foolishly thought we still might have a little more time. Later that night as I was walking down the hall, I heard muffled sobs coming from their room. I rushed in to to find H sobbing into her pillow. She told me she missed daddy, that she loved him so much. I have kissed many boo-boo's and have soothed many hurt feelings, but this was the first time since I have been a parent, that my child was broken hearted and I was helpless to to do anything about it. I felt eviscerated, impotent, utterly helpless. It was one of the worst moments of my life. I was able to sooth her. To talk to her about him. I showed her a picture, and she was comforted. She told me she hugged her pillow to send him love in his dreams. Tears streamed down my face as I held her little body and reassured her that he is trying his best to get back to us. That he loves them more than anything in the world, and there is nothing in his power that would keep him away from them any longer than he had to be. She was comforted. She said she wanted to hug him, so I gave her his sweatshirt. She has slept with it every night since. She said she was ready to see him, and I said OK.