Everything for moment....

We are still in our holding pattern. He is about the same. He still does things randomly but nothing really consistently. I had two people tell me that they saw him laugh. They said he was by the nurses station when they were telling funny stories and that he laughed. They were very excited, and I believe that they believe it. He is still eating, and yogurt seems to be his favorite. He is eating a half to full container per sitting. There are still other reports of random words, Hi, Mom, Yeah, No, Mmm Hmm. It is so hard to watch him and wonder what is going on in there. We all do range of motion exercises with him, and talk to him and try to show him things to peak his interest. Since he has not been able to use his hands, they get very dry. I have been putting lotion on them, I take his hand in mine and massage the lotion into his hand and arm from fingertip to elbow. His hands have never been large, but they have always been broad and rough. Over the last three months, I have felt them get smoother and smoother, it is amazing how fast those calluses will go away without use. I remember the strength that I have always felt in those hands. The gentle way they held our children. The rough feel of his palm against mine. I miss their strength. I am not the only one. It has gotten easier for the girls to see him. They know what to expect, and I have mixed feelings about that. One one hand I am amazed and proud of their resilience. On the other hand I am profoundly saddened that they have to be. In the beginning I watched H in her almost desperate attempts to get him to look at her. Now it makes me ache for her, to watch her resignation. She still wants to see him, wants to crawl in his lap and just rest her head against his chest. She likes me to hold his arm around her little body while she curls up against him, squeezes her eyes shut and presses her cheek against his chest. I can feel her trying to absorb the moment. There is nothing in this world I would not give to have him be able to hug her back. In that moment, for that moment, I would give anything, everything.