Strength, Integrity, and Societies way....

I finally decided it was time to take the girls to see a therapist. It is something that I have been thinking about for a long time. I spoke to their pediatrician and thought for a long time about how to introduce it. I decided first to see someone myself and see if it would help me to figure out the right time and way. I found someone that was recommended to me and went for several weeks. It was not the right fit. She was a lovely person, full of compassion and a good listener, but she didn't quite get me. She thought the way that I handled my children was "noble", she admired my strength. She believed that not everyone would have "strength" in this situation. I told her that I believed that was their failing not my strength. I believe that people have to buck up and take care of business. If they don't, I think it is selfish and self indulgent. I think when we have children we have a responsibility to them first and foremost. She thought there were people who just weren't capable. I believe they don't want to be capable. I believe that people can "do it" they just don't want to.I believe that this whole phenomenon in our society is a direct result of parents who think it is their job to raise "happy" children instead of raising responsible adults. We aren't always happy, we don't always get what we want, learn some coping skills and get over it. I understand this is not always a popular philosophy, but still one we have always subscribed to wholeheartedly. I tried to help her understand me and how I work, I encouraged her to come here and read what I have written to help her better understand me. She did not, and every time I was there I felt that I had to reinvent the wheel, just having to go over everything that had transpired the weeks before. A kind person, who had empathy for me, but did not understand me. I was reluctant to seek out a new one. It was exhausting to add another chore to my never ending list. D has been nudging me for sometime to give it another try. Earlier it was easy to be lulled into thinking that it could wait, but as time has gone on, and H has had more questions, I decided to give it another go. I called the pediatrician and got a list of names and started working from there. There was the usual few that don't return your calls, that don't treat children as young as mine, the ones that don't take your insurance, and those that have the strangest messages on their answering machines, that make you wonder how they ever get anyone to request a call back. I finally found one who would see the girls and fit the rest of my criteria. It was a bonus that she was also an art therapist. I thought this would work especially well for H. I had the first appointment by myself to make sure that this would work out. When I got to her office, I was nervous that it would be a repeat of the last time. We went into her sitting room, and she started by telling me that she had read almost all of what I had written on the blog. It was a relief that we had a frame of reference and I did not have to spend the entire visit explaining all that has happened. So far so good. The next words made my heart sink "I admire your strength", I thought "oh, no" she is going to tell me how not everyone could do it and it is going to be a repeat of the last time. I will spend all of my time trying to explain myself to someone. But her next words changed my mind. "I admire the commitment you have to maintain the integrity of the family and values that you and your husband created." Yes that is it. Exactly. Maintain whatever part of the structure of our family that I can. Maintain it for the security of my children, for their familiarity, their comfort, their well being. The girls had their first appointment this week, they went together and met in the art studio, they came out happy and chattering with framed self made art work under their arms. They want to go back. They liked her. They liked their studio time. This just might work..........