The Cost...

The cost. You know that is what it all boils down to. You know that is what they are worried about, what they are trying to mitigate. But there are other costs involved. Costs that are much more valuable than dollars. I often wonder what this time has cost him. If it has cost him time with us, if it has cost him recovery time. Or perhaps it has cost him nothing. There might not be anything left to be done. But those are things that I cannot know without the tests and proper care. I cannot make decisions about the rest of his life without knowing the cost. There are costs I do know. Costs that I can see. I don't know what this time that has been wasted has cost him, but I do know what it has cost us. It has strained the family to the very seams. It has kept everyone in an exaggerated state of tension for such a long time. It has forced us all to watch him, looking for every little sign, with no proof to back them up. I know what it has cost my children to stay in this limbo. I know what it has cost them to live for months without their father, neither being able to grieve or be encouraged. I know what it has cost them. It has cost them their innocence and carefree attitudes. That is a high price. I do not know who thinks they have the right to make these decisions for my family, but I resent it. I do not know if anything will or would have made a difference. I do not know if this time has cost him anything or everything. I know that he deserves the right to find out. That we all deserve that right. That my girls have the right to be given a future. Nothing is certain in this life, we all know that now. But there is security in safety and predictability for all us, but especially for children. They deserve to at least have that. The deserve the right to prepare for their future. The deserve the right to grieve or encourage and to know the time for each. It has cost alot, and the tally keeps going higher and higher as each hour passes. It is a travesty. It is unfathomable and unforgivable. It is a price that should not have been paid. It is a cost too great for small children to bear. They have already paid so much.