Endings and Beginnings...

We just ended H's first year of school. Kindergarten. He missed it all. The whole year. Milestones. Something we will never get back. E started preschool and has one more year before she can start kindergarten. That's it, our last shot at it. Oh I know life is full of firsts but I never thought I would be facing them all alone. Of course while the school year was winding down, ballet was winding up for their big performance of the year. This was my first year with a child in school, so when I saw that the performance was the day after school got out, I did not think too much about it. When the flier went out asking for volunteers to help with make up, costumes, etc, I did not think too much about it. I spent my time out in the ballet "sweatshop" making tutus, sewing, gluing etc. When I got the rehearsal schedule, I thought I would figure a way to juggle it all. We had graduation, bridging ceremony, practice, rehearsal, swimming lessons, regular class, a field trip, and I managed to keep juggling. S came up to help me the last few days, and I could not have made it over the finish line without her. things got a little hairy at dress rehearsal, it was way over time, the communication was not good, I was trying to entertain a flock of 6 year olds in full costume, and a very well meaning, stressed out individual decided to speak to me in a less than respectful manner in front of the children, about a matter that could have been simply resolved. Not really a good idea. Not after my week. I never raised my voice, but I know my point was made. The actual performance went off swimmingly. H was thrilled to once again be on the stage. As a matter of fact she has been actively producing her own shows for some time, the last one in my living room, where she cast herself as director, producer and star (snow white), and she cast her sister as the prince, all seven dwarves and the forest animals. She is quite something. She loves her time on the stage and does not seem to have any fear of it, wonder where she gets that? After the performance we left right for the airport. We flew down to San Diego to spend a week with A&M, it was baby A's first birthday, and they held the party until we could join them. It was lovely and that little girl is devine. The girls adore her, and have made up their own song about her. We spent time at the beach, the park, shopping, the boardwalk, and just hanging out. It was good to see them all. We flew in and S met me at the airport so she could take the girls and I could come directly over and spend time with him. And here I be. Our school year ended, and the summer begins. His drug therapy has begun. The time of inactivity has ended. It is they cycle of life, endings and beginnings. We do not always know when we open a door where it will take us. If it will lead to a brick wall or open to beautiful possibility. We hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Endings and Beginnings...

July 5.........Emerson's 3rd Birthday.

Today was our baby's 3rd birthday. She didn't know, but I did. How fortuitous that we celebrated with her 3 weeks ago because her Aunties were down for a visit. She had her Dora the Explorer birthday party and her Daddy was there singing Happy Birthday to his baby. Today, I am grateful for that. Grateful that she had a day to celebrate, to be carefree and joyous. Grateful that he also had that day with her. I spent the morning today at home with the girls, quiet normal time. They had their morning "soup" (maple and brown sugar oatmeal, they eat it every morning) and played with new games. They dressed up in their favorite purple dresses and blew bubbles on the deck. I went to the hospital this afternoon. His mother was reading jokes to him when I got there, then she left to give us some time alone. I brought drawings from his daughters, and a picture of them laughing. He opened his eyes and seemed to study the drawings and the picture for a very long time. I told him it was our baby's 3rd birthday today, I sang "happy birthday" for him whispered to him the story of H's birth, as she likes to hear it " Once upon a time, Mommy and Daddy fell in love and got married at a beautiful ball.....they were very happy and had many adventures. They flew in airplanes and helicopters, swam in the ocean and lakes, and travelled on a big ship in the sea. One thing was missing....a baby! One day Mommy told Daddy that they were going to have a baby, and they were so excited! They watched and watched as Mommy's tummy got bigger, and bigger and BIGGER until it was time to go to the hospital. When they got to the hospital, Daddy put on his special doctors clothes (scrubs) and out POPPED baby H. and Daddy caught her! He wrapped her up in a special blanket and put a tiny hat on her head. He was so excited and so proud he took her out to meet everyone!" When I was reciting this familiar tale, the corner of his mouth lifted as if a smile. That was a good thing today, but bittersweet.